Wonders of Autism

In honor of Autism Awareness Month, and of Hannah, who is wonderful....

Autism is a scary word for a parent. No one understands what causes it, and there is no magic cure for it. All along you've been hoping that maybe this is just a phase. But now you have that word, and it's not a phase... it's forever.

For me, I pushed all those tangled emotions aside and started to fight for my child. It was important to start intervention, and no one knew her potential the way I did. And to be honest, it was a lot easier to jump in and do something than to deal with the emotions of forever.

But eventually, the emotions surface. For me, it was Sunday morning on the way to church. I was thinking about Abraham... I had read about him that morning. And I thought he was pretty cool, because he was willing to give up his son when God asked for him, and I surely wasn't. What? As I thought that, I realized that I was fighting with God. I wouldn't admit that this was Hannah... this was the best of Hannah, forever. No words, no relationship. Not like I wanted, anyway.

So, in the car on the way to church the emotional and spiritual reality broke to the surface. Was I willing to give Hannah to God? To trust that whatever he had planned for her was good and right? Well, I never made it to church that day, not to the building, anyway. But I did meet God, and I did give him my child. For whatever he wanted. And it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm not sure I've ever cried so much.

Hannah was almost four then. A month later, she used her first spontaneous sign. I have no idea what any of my other children said first, but I'll never forget that day.... Hannah was watching me cook bacon in the electric skillet when she tugged at my shirt and signed "hot". Yes, Hannah, it's hot! Wow! I was so excited! And from there, Hannah just took off.

Watching Marsha, our youngest, and wondering.... it's been hard, and scary, all over again. But this time it's a little easier to hold her up to God and know that He will be faithful again. Maybe not the way I want.....but, ultimately, the way I need.

In thinking about Hannah, and wondering about Marsha.... I've concluded that autism is not just a scary thing... it's also a thing of wonder.

Here are just a few incredible things about my child....

10. Has no concept of trying to impress people, so totally doesn't even bother.
9. Hyperlexia. I now know what this is because Hannah was reading before she was talking.
Go figure.
8. Very concrete thinkers. Makes their relationship with God so very, very special.
7. Very concrete thinkers. Don't really get sarcasm, at all. In fact, Hannah is so literal she seems sarcastic.
6. Very visual. She worked jigsaw puzzles picture-side down when she was five and six. Now she thinks of words like pieces of a puzzle and memorizes huge amounts of material with very little effort.
5. Hyperfocusing. Never have to fight her about completing school work. Maybe about taking breaks, but never about finishing.
4. Simple joys. Like spinning in circles.
3. Very routine oriented. This has been good for me as it has forced me to be more organized and structured, and I've been good for her as I've helped her function on a schedule rather than a routine.
2. Thanks to Hannah, I know more about electricity, baker's yeast, the planets, and pineapples than I would ever have thought possible.
1. "I love you" means so very, very much.

Dinner.... or not

I love to cook. And I must say that I have come a long, long way since high school. Just ask Amanda... or my mom.

But tonight was a flashback. I created my own casserole, which would have been good. If you'd like to try it, here goes:
chicken (pulled from the bone, not used last night in chicken and dumplings)
cooked rice (about a cup, whatever you have will work just adjust the rest of the ingredients accordingly)
frozen chopped brocolli (I used half a bag)
cream cheese (8 0z, melted and mixed with other ingredients)
chicken broth (just enough to keep it moist while it baked)
cheddar cheese, grated
seasoning of choice, I used a little salt and pepper and a garlic lemon seasoning that I love

I mixed everything but the cheddar cheese and packed it into a casserole dish. If you put it in a smaller container and pack it firmly, it will stay moist and sliceable (is that a word?). Put on the lid and cook it at 350. After about thirty minutes, take off the lid, sprinkle with cheese and bake uncovered until cheese is melted and bubbly.

Let the casserole sit for 25 to 30 minutes before cutting.

I'm pretty sure this would be tasty, but.... I can tell you that FORGETTING that you put the casserole in the oven is not a good idea.

I do know that the batteries in my smoke detector need to be replaced. That's always good to know. So it wasn't totally wasted, right? I also know that Hannah really doesn't like the smell of smoke. No big surprise there. I also know exactly how long it takes for my husband to drive to the pizza place here in town.

And, fortunately, I should be safe to cook again tomorrow because at dinner Mason prayed that God would "please let mommy stay being a good cook." Thanks.... I think.

If you make my casserole before I do, let me know what you think.

It's Here!

Have you noticed how beautiful babies are? It's amazing how perfectly formed they are...even their personalities. Melanie was born with an opinion and a voice. Marsha was born calm and reserved. Marsha likes to study things, and she loves to cuddle. Melanie likes to grab things, and she loves to wiggle. They both love each other, and I absolutely adore them both.

Melanie was chewing her fingers this afternoon when her eyes suddenly rounded, and she emitted a sound somewhere between a shriek and a cry. She sat there for a minuted, frozen, and then she started to cry. I scooped Mellie up and gave her a finger to chew on...only to shriek myself when she bit down...with a tooth! Melanie has her first tooth! Yeah!

Now, it might seem that six and a half months is not particularly late as far as teeth go, especially for a slightly premature baby...but the rest of my babies (except Marsha, who is still all gums) all had teeth early. Mason's first two teeth were readily visible in his three month pictures. I'm pretty sure he was born teething. Hannah was the slowest teether, and she had her first tooth by five months. So, six and a half months seemed so long for me....

What is really sweet about Melanie's tooth, though, is how she responded to our impromptu party..... She was so excited that I was excited about that tooth! She has been all grins all afternoon long. And she is actually opening her mouth for people this evening! Seriously.... I can say, "show me your tooth" and the jaw drops and juts forward! What a clown!

It's amazing to me that so much personality can be packed into a thirteen pound, six month old body!

The Sacrificial Duck

Well, here it is, barely 10am, and both TJ and Emma have been sentenced to a nap after lunch (among other things)....all because of the sacrificial duck.


Emma is not feeling well; she did her schoolwork but then settled into the couch during her normal "outside time". TJ was playing with the twins' teething duck (soft duck, hard extremities) and approached Emma to explain that in "TJ Pretend Land" the duck had died on the cross.



Maybe this would be a good time for a little detour.... Yes, I know TJ was being sacrilegious, but I don't think TJ understood that at all. He was just pretending, and at least he's starting to think about some of the important things about Christianity. When the whole Sacrificial Duck ordeal was over, I did redirect his play efforts toward something more theologically appropriate.


Back to Emma on the couch.... snuggled in covers and watching a Dora math video. As best as I can figure, Emma didn't want to take the time to explain to TJ why pretending the duck had died on the cross was innapropriate. So, to speed up the process, she sat up and punched him in the chest. Then she settled back down on the couch.



TJ, of course, was not pleased with the turn in conversation.... So he started wailing on Emma with the duck, hard limbs and all. Pretty soon they were a rolling heep of screaming children on the living room floor. Melanie, by the way, thought this was hysterical from her perch in the swing.


I could hear the bedlam but was in the middle of changing Marsha's diaper. I rushed the job, wondering how in the world the house had gone from content children taking a school break to what sounded like World War 3, with Melanie's "toe laugh" thrown in for good measure, in less than one diaper change.


Upon entering the living room, I had to stifle a smile. TJ and Emma are best friends, but when they get side-ways with each other...all bets are off. I settled Marsha in the excersaucer, and pulled apart the screeching wrestlers, and suddenly became a referee. The combatants separated to their own corners and explained why the other one was angry with them (I have found that much more effective than asking what the other did wrong). TJ had no idea what had disturbed Emma, which is apparently what had upset him so much. Emma justified it all by explaining that she was just doing her job as a "Christian soldier."


So, both children have had some individual lessons with Mom about exactly what Jesus sacrificed for us, and how a duck would just not do, as well as what it means to be a "Christian soldier."


It's not naptime yet, and Mason needs to move on to history, so I suppose that wraps up this post. I hope our family made you smile.... I'm pretty sure my best friend is still laughing. Being a Mom is such a great adventure :)

The Little Man...not so little, actually

Mason.... What to say about Mason? Well, for starters, I'm pretty sure that my Mom was right: God gave us nine year olds so we would still love them when they're fourteen. I love this age! He's growing up...laughing at things that are actually funny, caring about things that matter, connecting abstract principles to the happenings of the world around him....

And such a sense of humor.... We were in Walmart the other day (yes, I realize many of my blogs revolve around Walmart; we're there a LOT). Someone stopped us and asked how old the babies were; I answered six months. This lady then asked if they were twins.... I was so shocked that someone could wonder if two babies, both six months old, looking an amazingly lot alike, were twins...all I could think to say was "yes." As we walked away, Mason elbowed me and announced, "Here's your sign."

Mason has a very tender heart, too. When he was... oh, I guess about five, Hannah had just been diagnosed with autism the year before. She was very much lost in herself at that point, but Mason was always very patient with her and loving to her. I'll never forget turning around one day and realizing I had not seen Mason for a while.... I found him crying in his bed. When I asked him what was wrong, he just continued to cry in my arms. Finally he asked me, "Why doesn't Hannah love me?" A few weeks later he fought with another little boy on a playground because his friend had made fun of Hannah. This year he went to a nursing home and hit it off with a man who was pretty well lost in dimentia.... all of the other kids were afraid of the fellow. His leader asked him later how he was so comfortable with the older gentleman, and Mason explained to him that sometimes God makes people different...like Hannah...but He loves them just as much, so Mason would love them, too.

Talk about making a Mom proud.

I probably have more stories about Mason than about any other child....

When he was three, almost four, and we were expecting Emma.... Hannah was still a baby, maybe 8 or 9 months old, when one day I heard over the baby monitor Mason telling Hannah in a very serious voice, "Don't worry Hannah, Mommy and Daddy will find you a good home." I guess he thought there was just enough room for two, and since he wasn't going anywhere....

I'll share more stories here and there in future posts.... I think you'll come to enjoy Mason in a special way!

The Chickadee

Did you know that Chickadees do not fly south for the winter? When the world is cold and the days are short, these little birds tough out the winter and offer cheery little songs through it all.

Emma is our Chickadee. Our family went through its own winter when Hannah was diagnosed with autism; not long after that, Emma started having seizures. I was also having health problems....Life, in general, was tough. But little Emma was always smiling and ready to laugh. We are so thankful that God sent her to us when he did.

Lest you think Emma is the perfect child, perhaps I should let you know that she is also our Drama Queen. Everything is...big. The smiles are big, the tears are big. And so is that "brown nose." Anytime someone gets in trouble, Emma is there.... When Thomas is disciplined for lying, Emma will assure me, "Mommy, I nevvveeerrr want to tell a lie." If Hannah lost control and hit someone, Emma will make sure that I know, "Mommy, I nevvveeeerrrr want to hit anyone." I think you get the point.

Emma and Thomas are fifteen months apart and very close. They have a love-hate relationship, which I suppose is normal for sibblings. Last Christmas, as in 2007, Emma and TJ had... their own personal war. About two weeks before Christmas, Emma snipped TJ's hair with scissors. Now, she knew better than this. We've had...issues...with scissors, and all of the children know that they are not to cut clothing, hair, etc. They also knew that if they ever cut anyone's hair again, their mommy would shave their head. So, I'm not sure what Emma was thinking.

Nor am I sure what TJ was thinking when he chose to handle the retribution himself rather than telling his mommy. But that night, sometime around 4, TJ climbed up onto the kitchen counter and retrieved my kitchen scissors from on top of the refrigerator. Then my four-year-old preceded to Emma's bed and began cutting her hair. He cut, and he cut, and he cut. Emma finally woke up when the scissors were pressing against her scalp. She literally had bald spots all over her head, except for the little circle that had been resting on her pillow. TJ was quite thorough; the longest lock was about half an inch long.

I woke up that morning with Emma inches from my face, holding handfuls of blond hair, and crying hysterically. It took me a minute to realize what had happened.... I have never been so upset in my life. For the first time as a parent, I was too angry to discipline my children. I had them sit down against the wall in my bedroom while I calmed down.... Once that wave of fury passed.... I looked over the damage, cleaned up the bedroom (there was hair everywhere - yuck!), and shaved a couple of heads.

Emma cried and cried. I shaved her head, but, to be honest, I'm not sure I could have done it had there been any other option. Did I mention that Thomas was very, very thorough? I also explained to TJ that as long as Emma had to be embarassed by her haircut, so did he. He was given a reverse mohawk.... My friend Amanda thought that was just awful, but she didn't see the same potential that TJ did. I found him in the bathroom the next day driving Hot Wheels cars down his "road".

Needless to say, TJ and Emma are only allowed to use scissors when I'm watching.

Did I tell you that Emma was distraught? The first time we had to go to Walmart, she begged and begged to be left behind...at five. Of course, she had to go in the store. Picture this, bald- headed, chubby cheeked little girl... She had five different old men stop her and tell her she was beautiful. One tried to give her a candy, and one tried to give her money. I finally realized that people thought she was a cancer patient. We were buckling up in the car when our Chickadee chirped, "I don't mind being bald; I'm still beeeauuutiful."

Hmmm..... Maybe we need to do a few lessons on the true beauty of character....

Another smile worth knowing....

This is my miracle of a daughter. Hannah was diagnosed with classic nonverbal autism when she was two. And when they say nonverbal, they mean nonverbal. She had never made any noise other than to cry when she was hungry. She liked cuddling with her father and me, but never looked at our faces and couldn't stand having anyone else even acknowledge her presence. We were blessed with an early diagnosis and a dream therapist who worked with her and trained us and other therapists in the Verbal Behavior Modification techniques. Now, at seven, she is different but very functional. Her diagnosis has been changed to savante autistic because of her IQ and patterning abilities, but we're just glad to know her.

Hannah loves her youngest twin sisters, Melanie and Marsha. Somehow, though, she managed to go for four months without realizing how cloth diapers are cleaned. One day when I was rinsing a dirty diaper in the toilet (and talking to my best friend Amanda), Hannah sauntered in to request help on her math page. She stared at me and finally asked what exactly I was doing. (With quite a bit of disgust in her voice, I might add.) I told her I was rinsing out the diaper, and she asked why in the world I was doing that in there!?! I looked up at her (while studiously ignoring Amanda's giggles) and asked her where else I would rinse out a dirty diaper. She thought for a minute and replied.... "I don't know.... in the WASHER?" I didn't have much to say to that, partly because it was a very logical thought for a seven year old, and partly because Amanda was laughing to loud for me to think of an appropriate reply.

So, now you know how drole this beautiful child can be. If you have children of your own, enjoy each and every question they ask, argument they make, and comment they offer.... Their voice is a gift for which we often forget to be thankful.