Wonders of Autism

In honor of Autism Awareness Month, and of Hannah, who is wonderful....

Autism is a scary word for a parent. No one understands what causes it, and there is no magic cure for it. All along you've been hoping that maybe this is just a phase. But now you have that word, and it's not a phase... it's forever.

For me, I pushed all those tangled emotions aside and started to fight for my child. It was important to start intervention, and no one knew her potential the way I did. And to be honest, it was a lot easier to jump in and do something than to deal with the emotions of forever.

But eventually, the emotions surface. For me, it was Sunday morning on the way to church. I was thinking about Abraham... I had read about him that morning. And I thought he was pretty cool, because he was willing to give up his son when God asked for him, and I surely wasn't. What? As I thought that, I realized that I was fighting with God. I wouldn't admit that this was Hannah... this was the best of Hannah, forever. No words, no relationship. Not like I wanted, anyway.

So, in the car on the way to church the emotional and spiritual reality broke to the surface. Was I willing to give Hannah to God? To trust that whatever he had planned for her was good and right? Well, I never made it to church that day, not to the building, anyway. But I did meet God, and I did give him my child. For whatever he wanted. And it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm not sure I've ever cried so much.

Hannah was almost four then. A month later, she used her first spontaneous sign. I have no idea what any of my other children said first, but I'll never forget that day.... Hannah was watching me cook bacon in the electric skillet when she tugged at my shirt and signed "hot". Yes, Hannah, it's hot! Wow! I was so excited! And from there, Hannah just took off.

Watching Marsha, our youngest, and wondering.... it's been hard, and scary, all over again. But this time it's a little easier to hold her up to God and know that He will be faithful again. Maybe not the way I want.....but, ultimately, the way I need.

In thinking about Hannah, and wondering about Marsha.... I've concluded that autism is not just a scary thing... it's also a thing of wonder.

Here are just a few incredible things about my child....

10. Has no concept of trying to impress people, so totally doesn't even bother.
9. Hyperlexia. I now know what this is because Hannah was reading before she was talking.
Go figure.
8. Very concrete thinkers. Makes their relationship with God so very, very special.
7. Very concrete thinkers. Don't really get sarcasm, at all. In fact, Hannah is so literal she seems sarcastic.
6. Very visual. She worked jigsaw puzzles picture-side down when she was five and six. Now she thinks of words like pieces of a puzzle and memorizes huge amounts of material with very little effort.
5. Hyperfocusing. Never have to fight her about completing school work. Maybe about taking breaks, but never about finishing.
4. Simple joys. Like spinning in circles.
3. Very routine oriented. This has been good for me as it has forced me to be more organized and structured, and I've been good for her as I've helped her function on a schedule rather than a routine.
2. Thanks to Hannah, I know more about electricity, baker's yeast, the planets, and pineapples than I would ever have thought possible.
1. "I love you" means so very, very much.